These were the questions I asked myself during Professor Stew Friedman’s Total Leadership program at Wharton. What attracted me to take this course was Stew’s concept that work-life balance doesn’t work because it implies having to make trade-offs. Instead of managing life as slices of a pie that gets smaller or bigger at the expense of each other, his alternative was to consider different areas of your life as independent circles that can potentially overlap with each other.

This new construct helped me unlock the creativity to better optimize my life and it has transformed the way I live and work.

Before this course, I felt at the whim of my goals and the needs of my stakeholders. I felt forced to make tradeoffs in one area of my life because of the demands of another area and instead of leading my life, it was leading me. The process I learned in this live workshop with peer coaching helped me gain control over the important areas of my life. You’ll see below five insights that might be helpful to you as you think about leading all areas of your life:

Lead Your Life: Don’t Use One Area of Your Life to Make Excuses for Another Area

Before this program, I would often feel guilty that I did not get home early enough to spend time with my kids. I would use work as my excuse and rationalize that now is the time to focus on my career and once I’ve “made it”, I can carve out more time for family. Along the same vein, I would use my two young sons as the excuse for not exercising. I would tell myself, “How can I afford to work out if I don’t even have enough time to spend with my kids?” Then I would use the time I needed for work, school, family, and exercise to justify why I slept on average only five hours each night.

I found myself often saying how much I wanted to do these things but explaining how I couldn’t because of the many legitimate excuses that I had. Looking back, that was a weak way of living. This experience has taught me to either do what I say is important to do or stop saying it’s important to me. Either way is fine but continuing to make excuses is not.

As part of this course, we all conducted personal experiments. For my experiments, I committed to getting 7+ hours of sleep, getting home before 7pm during most of the work week, and exercising daily, which included running 2x a week. I was initially skeptical since I’ve had so many false starts trying to implement similar positive habits but I’m excited to share that so far I’ve not only sustained these habits but I just completed my first half-marathon after never running a race in the past.

What made the difference this time was clarifying the vision I wanted for my life and taking control to bring that vision to life. Essentially, leading myself to where I wanted to go.

Sleep Really Matters

I was lucky to choose sleeping 7+ hours as one of my experiments because there was no habit change that yielded faster and more drastic results than getting 7+ hours of sleep. I used to subscribe to the “you can sleep when you retire” and “I’m successful because I work harder and longer than everyone else” mantra. I’m beginning to see the fault in this thinking and realizing that I may have spun my wheels more often than I am aware of or care to admit.

After consistently getting 7+ hours of sleep, I noticed my mood becoming more positive and relaxed. What surprised me the most was that I immediately stopped craving coffee (I was drinking about 2-3 cups a day for the last few years).

I also found sleeping sufficiently a linchpin habit. The days when I was well rested, I almost always completed every other habit change along with my work and school goal for that day. It allowed me to exercise more self-control and discipline.

Create Constraints to Force Creativity

Forcing myself to get home early, sleep enough hours, and exercise daily meant taking time away from other areas of my life, especially work. Initially, I was worried I wouldn’t get my work done leading to adverse consequences. What I found instead was the most important work was still getting done and since my deadlines were tighter, I became more effective with my time. Having less time for work began to prevent me from over-engineering my work and school projects.

It also helped me to be more creative about my time. Instead of agreeing to drinks or dinner with a client, I would offer to meet for breakfast or lunch so I can keep my commitment to get home early. I started running and working out with other people as a great way to catch up with them. Interestingly, by creating constraints and forcing myself to keep these new habits, the quality of my life has increased at home and at work.

Be the Building Block for Other People’s Goals

One of the key exercises in the Total Leadership process was to set up conversations with the most important stakeholders in the different areas of your life. The goal is to ask your stakeholders about their expectations for you and how you’re doing in meeting those expectations.

Holding these conversations, I realized that I often see people around me as building blocks to my success and drive our interactions in the direction of my agenda and accomplishing my goals. Hearing people’s expectations of me have made me realize that other people have their own needs and aspirations and to create long-term, positive relationships with them, I need to be the building block for their goals and success.

If you want people to see you as a leader, they first have to recognize that their life will be better because they follow you. There is no better way to do that than to become a critical part in their quest for success and meaning.

Grow the Relationships You Take for Granted

Every year I have clear goals to improve and to grow my career. It seems like the natural thing to do. What’s interesting is when I reflect on my closest relationships, I don’t have the same aspirational tendency. I don’t think about growing these relationships and at best, the relationship stays where it is. The only time I pay attention is when the relationship gets strained and I spend just enough energy to get it back to the original level.

Applying the same growth mentality from my career to my personal relationships, I asked my wife, family, and others close to me what we needed to do to take our relationship to the next level. Just by having these conversations, my key relationships are beginning to thrive and grow and it’s having a positive impact on other areas of my life. When you ask people about their needs and truly listen, they often become open to sincerely understanding your needs. Another benefit to this exercise is it allows you to decide which relationships may not be worth investing in because the other person doesn’t want to engage.

To start this journey, craft the vision for your life and clarify your values. You choose the life you want to have and the key idea is to align your actions to bringing to life your vision. Stay attuned to how you’re tracking to your vision and continue iterating with experiments to find overlap in the different circles of your life.

If you would like to dive in deeper, check out Stew’s Total Leadership book, which outlines the exercises in his process. You can also take the Coursera version of the course.

Photo by Brooke Lark

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Despite varying and sometimes contradicting perspectives on how best to succeed professionally, most leaders agree that a mentor is one of the most valuable people to have on your career journey. Unfortunately, if you’re not sure how to set up and manage this relationship, it can be a waste of everyone’s time. The good news is being a great mentor and mentee is not too hard if you’re serious about it.

The first step to a strong mentoring relationship is setting clear expectations and ground rules. What are the agreed-upon goals for this relationship? How often will you meet and for how long? What will happen when your goals are accomplished?

Once everyone agrees on what’s expected, keep in mind the following role-specific tips:

For Mentors:

As a mentor, your job is to add value to your mentee’s professional life by encouraging them to step out of their comfort zone and marshaling your resources to help them. Your help might come in the form of insightful advice, honest feedback or a connection to someone in your network.

To be a great mentor, be:

• Worthy: Practice what you preach so your mentee will benefit just from observing and interacting with you. Listen closely to the expectations and goals of your potential mentee. Be upfront about whether you can really help. If you haven’t walked the path that your mentee wants to take, you might be better off declining the relationship.
• Available: Your mentee will need you most during difficult and uncertain times. It’s difficult to know when those times will be. If your schedule doesn’t allow you the flexibility to connect with your mentee when he or she needs you, you might want to reconsider being a mentor.
• Caring: If you’re mentoring to check the “I’m mentoring others” box or because you think the mentor label will look good to other people, your mentoring relationship will probably fizzle out soon after it starts. See mentoring as a gift from the other person to you as opposed to a gift from you to them.

One of the most impactful actions a mentor can take is to give confidence to your mentees and help them see that they can perform beyond what they thought possible. In Hamilton: The Musical, George Washington models this by empowering Alexander Hamilton with the line “I know that greatness lies in you.” Try that line with your mentee.

For Mentees:

As a mentee, your job is to make your mentors glad that they’ve decided to work with you. You do this by taking their advice, helping them see your progress and making their lives easier. A few ways to do that is to be:

• Teachable: If you fight or disregard every idea your mentor shares with you, they will disengage. Be open to what you hear and give it shot before you say no or make excuses.
• Prepared: Set an agenda, ask specific questions relevant to your goals and show what you’ve done and learned
• Accountable: Follow through and do what you say you’ll do, then set the next meeting. If your mentor has to chase you to get an update, you’re making them work too hard.

When looking for a mentor, remember this Chinese proverb,

“To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.” 

Find mentors who are just one or two steps ahead of you so they can give you practical advice. The idea is to find someone experienced, available and willing so they can invest meaningfully in this relationship. You can still network with people much more senior to you and ask them to mentor you, but just remember the path they’ve taken may no longer exist and they may have trouble relating to your challenges.

Get mentors for different areas of your life. Look at your strengths and weaknesses and ask yourself whether the person you want to mentor you excels in the area you want mentoring in.

The hardest part is actually getting a great mentor to say yes. To get the attention of mentors, show that you’re worth investing in by showing resourcefulness, exuding a strong work ethic and doing great things. It’s much easier to say yes to you if the other person is excited about contributing to your success.

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During a recent trip to Los Angeles, the head of sales for a top financial services firm reflected on his career and shared with me that the #1 factor for most employee’s success, including executives, is the quality of their boss.

When you work for a manager who is a superstar, they will continue to move up in their career, which creates space for you to advance. If they get promoted, there is a good chance that they will actively pull you up with them as long as you have a strong working relationship and continue to perform.

If you don’t work for a top performer, you run the risk of that person seeing you as a threat since there is a good chance you’ll end up taking their job. Instead of focusing on their goals and finding ways to outperform their peers, they will expend their energy holding you back and shooting down your ideas. It’s not personal, it’s self-preservation.

Poor performing managers will also have trouble fighting for the limited resources of the firm and influencing the organization to focus on your team’s initiatives. This means working with smaller budgets and working on low-priority projects.

If you are a high-performer, you want to work for someone who is constantly growing so you don’t outgrow them. An easy way to tell whether someone is a superstar is to look at their work history. In their LinkedIn profile, bio, resume or website, do you see any of the following:

• Promotions every 2-3 years
• Activities that show they are learning new skills
• Thought leadership or involvement in industry groups
• Recommendations or endorsements from others
• Credentials that match those of the senior leadership team

You may want to change your boss if they are (1) staying stuck as a mid or lower-level employee that’s been in the same role, title, and function for the last 10 years, (2) trying to limit your exposure to other senior people or departments, or (3) constantly taking credit for your work.

Your boss matters so if you are ambitious and want to move up in your career, follow someone who is heading to the top. If you work for a true superstar, they will pave the way for you as long as you can keep up just like you will pave the way for those behind you. If you can’t find a great boss and still want to move up quickly in your career, then you might have to switch firms or strike out on your own.

Photo by Kiran Foster

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• You despise people who kiss up to the boss because you feel that one’s work should speak for itself.
• You could care less what your boss thinks or wants as long as you’re doing what’s best for your clients or firm.
• You plan to actively sabotage your boss or make him look dumb because he is incompetent and constantly takes credit for your work.

Although you may be justified for these behaviors, your unwillingness to manage up will make it hard for you to succeed.

In Power: Why Some People Have It and Some People Don’t by Jeffrey Pfeffer, he cites a study that shows your supervisor’s commitment to and relationship with you matter more to your job success than your job performance. I’ve experienced this finding in my career and I can bet you have as well. This dynamic is exacerbated at more senior levels because output at the higher levels is more intangible and harder to quantify.

We can spend energy debating the fairness of whether relationships should matter more than performance, but that won’t help you move up in your career. Instead, you’re better served to focus your energy learning practical ways to manage your boss.

Managing up goes beyond just getting along with your boss. It’s about forging such a strong relationship that your boss will go above and beyond to help you succeed.

Leveraging conversations with senior executives on how they got to their current role and what they want from their direct reports, you’ll see below ten tips to help you manage up and give your boss what they want. If you are the CEO or owner, you can extend these tips to apply to the board or your clients.

The core theme to these tips can be summed up in the one question you should constantly ask yourself:

How do I make my boss’s life easier?

Here are 10 ways to answer this question:

1. Lead and manage yourself well

One of your manager’s main responsibilities is to manage and lead you. If you can lead yourself well, this will save your manager a lot of time.

Start by taking responsibility for your responsibilities. Ensure you understand what your boss has assigned to you – both the specific outcome desired and timeline for completing the task. It’s easy for your boss to forget that it’ll probably take you longer to complete a task than if she did it herself.

Do your boss a big favor by following through on the goals that were set. If you’re in a role with quantifiable measures for success like sales, managing yourself well means crushing your numbers so your boss doesn’t have to worry about you. When you don’t do your job, your boss will have to step in and fill the gap because they are ultimately responsible for your results.

Learn early in your career to manage your time and energy effectively. Two books that can help are Getting Things Done by David Allen and The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz.

2. Work on your boss’s goals

If you are good at your job, your boss’s peers and others will notice and will want you to help with their initiatives. Just because a project interests you, it doesn’t mean you should do it.

You want to first consider your boss’s main goals and to work on the projects and tasks to help him achieve his goals. Take time to understand the larger context of your role and how you and your boss add value to the organization.

If everything you work on helps your boss succeed, you will be invaluable to your boss. Remember that you can’t win if your boss fails. To take it one step further, strive to give your boss the credit (read more about the canvas strategy).

3. Overcommunicate

Employees frequently and unintentionally frustrate their bosses by not keeping them in the loop.

Whether it’s an update for an assigned project or mentioning an impromptu conversation with your boss’s boss, by the time your manager follows up with you about something, it’s too late. They’ve already heard something from their boss or peer and were caught unaware or they have a task pending that requires information from you.

Update your boss before they need an update. To make life easier for yourself, get into the habit of asking your boss how often they want you to keep them in the loop. When in doubt, overcommunicate. This is especially important when it looks like your project may fail. Give your boss warning way in advance so no one is caught by surprise.

4. Flex to your boss’s style

Everyone has his or her own preferred communication and management style. Take time to observe and match your boss’s style. 

If your boss is:

• Innovative and enjoys taking risks and performing experiments, then focus more on the big picture and supporting her experiments. Catch your boss’s enthusiasm.
• Cautious and values routine and minimizes risks, then focus on sticking to the tried and true and slowly introduce change.
• Empathetic and pays attention to employee feelings and overall mood, then highlight your own ability to be attuned to the human element.
• Driving and demands much from herself and her staff, then focus on high-quality execution and setting a high bar for you and your peers.

Don’t argue and don’t be a “yes man”. Form your own views and challenge existing assumptions but do so in your boss’s preferred style.

5. Show loyalty

Always support your boss (as long as he operates ethically). This means executing his decisions as if they were your own. This also involves standing up for or supporting him in meetings where he or his ideas are being challenged and staying away from publicly or privately criticizing your boss.

Instead of pointing out your boss’s faults, find ways to fill in his gaps. For example, if your boss is great at getting things done but does so in a brash way, help him repair or build up those relationships.

The more your boss feels you truly have his back, the more he will have yours. All leaders need competent people they can trust to continue progressing in their career. If you act in a way that threatens your boss, don’t be surprised if your own career grinds to a halt.

6. Value your leader’s time 

Every time you meet with your manager, be fully prepared so you don’t waste her time. Have your agenda ready along with updates that your manager might be interested in. Every minute she spends with you is time away from completing her own tasks. 

If you plan to share a problem, come with an analysis of the issue and a proposed solution. If you don’t, you’re dumping unexpected work onto your boss’s plate, which most people don’t appreciate. Don’t make your boss think for you.

7. Do what others won’t

Bosses find it difficult to assign mundane or difficult tasks that need to get done. Since these tasks consume a lot of time, are not glorious and don’t develop new skills, most employees won’t raise their hand for these assignments.

Step up and help. Take the assignments that are annoying, boring, or difficult. Show that you’re not too proud or afraid to do what it takes to help your boss or to pay your dues. Extend this attitude to tasks that are not your exact job responsibility.

When you constantly step up and perform well, your boss will see you as the team’s go-to player. This recognition will give you access to better assignments that will boost your career.

8. Succeed with difficult people

One senior executive shared with me his frustration when his direct report failed to get along with her peer from another line of business despite numerous intervention from their bosses. These two employees’ inability to settle their differences hurt both their reputations and now one of them is no longer with the firm.

You rarely get to choose your boss or your peers. When you’re unable to collaborate effectively or manage conflict with others, your manager ends up stepping in. This is a drain on their time and a headache he doesn’t need.

Learn to develop strong working relationships with everyone by honing your emotional intelligence. Show you’re willing to do what’s best for the team and the firm and that you’re not just all for yourself. Build a reputation of creating win-win outcomes for all of your interactions.

9. Keep learning 

Take charge of your own growth. Although your manager should guide and coach you, you’re ultimately responsible for mastering your craft and the softer skills needed for success.

The more competent you are, the more credible you’ll be. Set goals for WHO you want to be as opposed to WHERE you want to be. Attend conferences where you can learn about the newest developments. Take an active role in industry groups to network and hear what others are doing.

When deciding on which skills to develop, find the intersection between the skills your firm and boss needs and your interest and talents. Lean on your strengths.

10. Know when to let go

When communicating with your boss, timing is everything. Know when to push and when to back off. Gauge the mood of your boss and think about how your boss would react to your information and request. When possible, wait for the right moment to speak up. 

Questions to ask yourself:

• Is this matter urgent? Is it urgent for your boss?
• Will this information or request help your boss succeed?
• Do you have information your boss is not aware of and needs to know?

It is essential to know when to back off. If you’ve already spoken to your boss about something and she is not getting back to you, consider the following before pressing the issue:

• How much of this is my agenda vs. what’s good for my boss, the team, and the organization? Is the timing only right for me?
• Did I already make my point?
• If it’s bad news, do I really need to be the messenger?
• Is the current environment or my boss’s mood friendly to what I’m asking for?
• Could I be overstepping?

Take time this week and observe your activities and interactions with your boss. Gauge which activities are helping to make your boss’s job easier and which ones make your boss’s life more difficult.

Photo by Kenny Louie

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This insight came from a recent conversation I had with the CEO of a top financial services firm.  He talked about the mentors that guided him, the peers who supported him and the employees who executed on his strategy. Before he became CEO, he focused on helping others get what they want and in turn, they helped him become CEO. When you hear it, it sounds obvious but when I reflect on my experiences and those of the high-performers I coach, it’s not common practice.

It’s easy to glorify the individual. Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk have come to symbolize entire companies. This constant exposure to individual heroes makes it easy to forget all of the other people who helped to make these companies successful.

If you want a successful career and to have impact, you need others to help you so your influence extends beyond one person’s effort and accomplishments. The simple way to get a village behind you is to:

Keep helping others win.

People follow a leader because they believe their lives will be better for it. If you want to lead, you need to know how you can make the lives of others better.

The two steps to achieve this is to:

1. Understand what others care about – take time to learn their personal and professional aspirations and struggles
2. Constantly find ways to help them achieve those goals or overcome those challenges

That’s it.

Look at the people in your “village” and list the 5 individuals who can make the most positive impact in your career.  Ask yourself:

• What are their aspirations and challenges?
• How can I help them today?

Photo by Bo Nash

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At some point in your career, you will encounter uncivil situations at work.

Your colleague knowingly takes credit for your work. Your boss berates you and actively blocks your next career move. Your colleague interrupts you in a meeting or checks their email during your presentation.

No matter how others disrespect you, your response to these uncivil situations is what counts.

To preserve the peace, most people let it go and respond with silence. This may work in the short-term but if the issue persists, silence often shifts to violence in the form of passive-aggressive behavior, disengagement or in some cases, real violence.

To be take back control of a situation that seems out of your control, consider the 5 C’s:

Clarity

Get a clear and accurate picture of what is actually happening. What assumptions are you making about the situation and the other person’s behavior?

What you might perceive as being unreasonable or unfair may be legitimate and justified from the other person’s point of view.

For example, if your co-worker jumps in during your presentation at work. You may perceive that action as taking credit for your work while your colleague thought she was jumping in to help you out because you seemed to be struggling.

The best way to challenge your assumptions is to ask the other person why they did what they did. It’s important to keep a neutral tone when you ask as opposed to using an accusatory one. To help you stay neutral, give the other person the benefit of the doubt first.

Contribution

Many times, other people’s actions are a response to your actions.

Look closely at your actions and see if they might be misperceived. A good question to ask yourself,

“Why would a rational, good person do

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This is the most common pushback I hear from my clients when they gain more clarity on what they want in their careers and realize they were meant to do something completely different from their current job. Whether it’s switching into a new career, company or industry, the fear of or actual lack of relevant experience prevents most people from leaving a job or employer they don’t like.

Having successfully switched careers several times to very different roles and industries, I’ve learned firsthand that direct work experience for most careers and industries is overrated and the barriers to entry for a new career is much lower than you think. (Please note: my definition of “direct work experience” is working in the specific industry and role.)

So why doesn’t work experience matter as much as we’re led to believe?

Repetition of work

Many people do very similar work year after year. Employers pay individuals to perform specific functions and the bigger the company, the more specific the individual’s function will be. This creates the common situation where an average performer with 20-years of experience might really only have 1-2 years of unique experience and 18-19 years repeating similar experiences. They stop learning and begin to settle in and coast because it’s easy and comfortable.

This is great news if you’re looking to switch careers because with concentrated effort over a 2-3 year period, you can catch up to many people who have significantly more years of experience than you. You may need to take an initial pay cut to get your initial opportunity but if you put in the work, you’ll soon earn as much as if not more than others in your field because of the extra time you’ll put into improving your skills.

Rapidly changing world

The world is constantly changing. What you learned today will probably be obsolete in a few years. Maybe even a few days. If you’re looking to switch careers, your lack of experience may actually be a plus as firms look to innovate and stay ahead of or at least with the fast-changing times. Your ability to be agile and flexible will serve you better than any specific work experience or title.  Seek to understand the current trends and leverage them to market yourself to prospective employers.

Relationships matter

Most senior executives and business owners I know are on the look out for top talent even if they don’t have a specific job for them (Charles Koch is one of them). As long as you can add value to the company moving forward, your previous experience doesn’t matter as much as your potential. If you build strong relationships and cultivate a network of senior people who know what you can do, you will get opportunities despite your direct experience.

So if you’re looking to switch careers, take time to:

• Understand how the business or organization you want to work for makes money and figure out honestly how you can add value to this process.
• Build the skills you need to add value and find ways to showcase your abilities.
• Network with others in the business and industry you want to be in to gain visibility and agreement that you’re an insider.

If you’re willing to work hard on the right things, your lack of experience is a non-issue.

For many job functions, pre-requisite knowledge or skills may not be required as different companies have different methods and processes. Most likely, you’ll get training from your company and support from your manager to help you learn and do your job well. Any extra work you put in will only fast track your learning and if you sustain your hard work past year 3, you’re going to begin surpassing others with more official experience.

You might also consider developing evergreen skills, skills that are useful everywhere you go. Your ability to communicate, make decisions, size up a situation, lead, motivate, sell and build relationships are core to being successful everywhere you go.

Don’t get me wrong, proper work experience is valuable. Just because experience is overrated doesn’t mean that it doesn’t count. For those who continuously learn and find ways to build on their experience year after year, they are the ones who make it to the top of their professions. The point is that work experience is not weighted as much as you would imagine.

If your lack of experience is stopping you from going after your dream job. Take comfort that it doesn’t take long to catch up and surpass others in what you want to do. The faster you get started, the faster you’ll get there.

Photo by Sabrina

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As a high-performer, you strive to learn new and effective strategies to enhance your life both professionally and personally. As you pick up these skills and insights and gain positive results, you begin to notice when other people are lacking this knowledge or skill set. This awareness puts you in danger of becoming a snob and you are officially recognized as a snob when you begin to judge others as being less than you because they don’t know what you know or do what you do.

This often happens when people gain new knowledge and expertise. They learn “proper” table manners and begin to look down on others who don’t hold their forks correctly. They learn a new religious or cultural custom and begin to show disdain for those who break the custom. They laugh at those not properly dressed for the occasion. This feeling of superiority and lack of empathy for others can hurt not only your relationships but also people’s perception of you.

Another more nuanced way people unknowingly become snobs is when they feel compelled to share their new knowledge with those around them. They do so with the good intention of helping others and there is nothing wrong with sharing knowledge – it’s when and how you do it that decides whether the other person will see you as being helpful or as a snob.

So how can you avoid being a snob when you learn something new?

• Share your knowledge only if the other person wants to hear it – for some people, there is nothing more annoying than unsolicited advice
• Offer your newfound insights as an option to be chosen rather than a rule to be followed
• Understand that the new strategy, mindset or behavior you’re recommending may work for you, but not for others because everyone is different
• Even if experts agree that what you’re recommending is “better”, don’t make the other person feel inadequate by devaluing their views or calling them ignorant

One simple guideline that helps me internalize these tips:

Give the other person choice AND respect their choice.

Share your positive experience and leave it up to the other person to choose what they want to do with it. Don’t see them as ignorant or less of a person because they disagree with you or choose not to adopt what you see as the better way of working. Your sincere respect for others should be reflected in both your words and actions.

Another way to avoid sounding close-minded or elitist, is to stay away from the following words:

• Should
• Always
• Never

Because every one of us is unique, absolutes typically don’t work. To connect with others, acknowledge that we are all different yet equal and entitled to our beliefs and choices. Unfortunately, this point is easy to forget because society rewards certain behaviors and punishes others. What is “good”, “right” or “successful” depends heavily on the context you’re in.

A helpful way to thrive in this subjective world might be to assume that:

Everyone is doing the best they can with what they’ve currently chosen to believe as truth.

This will bring out your empathetic side.

Give it a try next time you:

• See someone improperly dressed for an event
• Disagree with the ideas or policies of your firm’s leadership
• Interact with someone who is missing all of the social cues you’re sending

Final piece of advice to keep in mind:

Your truth is as legitimate as mine – opt to educate as opposed to convert.

Photo by Deutschen Theater Berlin

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Let complaining, yours or others, remind you to focus on your own development.

You’ll end up in a better mood because you’ll forget why you’re complaining or what you’re complaining about. You’ll also channel the energy you would have wasted complaining to achieve what you want. Everyone wins.

“To reform a world, to reform a nation, no wise man will undertake; and all but foolish men know, that the only solid, though a far slower reformation, is what each begins and perfects on himself.”

Thomas Carlyle, Scottish Philosopher

Photo by Erin

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When you show that you sincerely care, your clients can tell and will appreciate you for it with more business and referrals. Unfortunately, in most interactions, the natural tendency is to think more about what you want than how you might be able to help and care for your client.

Some quick ways to recognize when you’re more focused on yourself are:

• Impressing others by deliberately showing them how hard you work or how prepared or smart you are
• Hiding a mistake or blaming others to protect your image of perfection
• Defaulting to silence as opposed to asking a “dumb” question when you really don’t know
• Shying away from the dirty work that’s beyond your level or pay grade

To become memorable to your clients, you want to overcome three main fears that Patrick Lencioni outlines in his book, Getting Naked:

Fear of Losing the Business

No one likes losing business. That’s why it’s so natural to shy away from being the bearer of bad news even when it’s necessary. To set yourself apart, you want to focus less on your needs to win or keep the business and more on what will help your clients reach their outcomes. Let the goal of helping guide your actions. This may mean speaking up when you know something is wrong or sharing your best ideas even at the risk of your client/prospect using it as opposed to hiring you.

Fear of Being Embarrassed

Rarely will you find someone looking to embarrass themselves. That’s why we laugh at jokes we don’t understand when others are laughing and we stay quiet and nod when someone says something that we don’t fully understand. Those who are self-confident, know that it’s better to ask and be clear than to feign understanding and assume with uncertainty. Although you do run the risk of certain people judging you for a “bad” question, your clients are better off when you clearly understand what’s happening as opposed to appearing to understand.

The same goes for when you share your ideas as well. Better to suggest them and run the risk of it being shot down than not to share at all. Now if your ideas are constantly being criticized and rejected, you may have a competency issue.

Fear of Being Inferior

As a high-performer, you prepare hard to avoid mistakes and to rise above your competition. That’s why it’s difficult for you to be placed in a situation where you’re taking the blame for your client or doing the nitty-gritty work that you feel is beneath you. When it comes to serving your client, the main theme that helps you overcome all this fear and all of the other fears is to focus on your client. What does your client need from you right now and how can you give that to them.

One guiding principle that stuck with me from a Disney leadership workshop I attended is :

“It may not be our fault, but it is our problem.”

If you’re wired to look for and solve your client’s problems above all else, they’ll remember you for a long time.

Photo by Christopher Michel

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