• Confused girl

When you are not sure who you are anymore …

… look at your behaviors.

You thrive on feedback. That’s how you got to where you are today. You actively seek out advice and insights from your mentors, great books and life experiences.

Since you’re open-minded and motivated to succeed in the shortest time possible, you experiment with all the different winning strategies that you come across. Some working well and others not so much and you keep searching for the holy grail to sustainable excellence.

There is a risk to your openness. By taking on so many suggestions, it’s easy to lose touch with who you really are.

This happens to me from time to time. I speak with a senior executive who inspires me to be one way. I read a book that motivates me to try another way. I run into an old friend who has completely revamped her life and swears by a third way.

And I try all of these ways and they all have their merits. But when I stop to reflect on who I’ve become, sometimes it’s not so clear who I am. In these times, I pull out a quote from Aristotle to help me sort through this uncertainty:

“We are what we repeatedly do.”

To remember the type of person I am, I just need to look at my actions. Our actions directly represent our decisions, which are driven by our beliefs and values.

If you do kind things consistently, you are a kind person. If you exceed your manager’s expectations all the time, you’re a high performer. It doesn’t matter what you say you are, what matters is what you do. I can talk about how much I want to focus on family and be a great father but if I constantly come home late from work and spend very little time with my son, I’m not a great father.

The bright and empowering side of this realization is that I don’t need to sort out how I see myself. I just have to consistently act in a way that reflects who I want to be. If I want to be authentic, I can share my true views and vulnerabilities. If I want to be a writer, I’ll write 1000 words a day. If I want to be bold, I might cold call a CEO to get an interview.

For those of you who plan to make a drastic change around people who know you, understand that it’s hard for people to see past the “old” you. If you’re in this situation. you might want to read this article on upgrading your identity.

If you’re not sure what actions to take, observe those who you want to be more like and mimic their behaviors. You decide who you are by controlling what you do.

Just focus on changing your actions.

Ask yourself:

  1. What type of person do I want to be?
  2. What actions would this person take?
  3. When can I apply these actions?

You can also use the inverse method:

  1. Who do I want to make sure I never become?
  2. What actions would this person take?
  3. When might I be susceptible to these actions?

 

Photo by Md saad andalib

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2016-12-21T00:58:42+00:00 By |High Performance, Mission|Comments Off on When you are not sure who you are anymore …